Well I have my good and bad days and to be honest with you, I’ve felt very tearful the last few days. Like the feeling I can sort of imagine if you were lost at sea. That’s me, bobbing along, trying to keep my head above water.
I’m hoping it’s the mean reds fault as they have arrived & I’m craving chocolate and have the most horrendous spots. Everything is making me cry! You see I like to feel I have some control over my life & the RugRats lives, it makes me feel better. Don’t worry I’m not a control freak or anything, I just need order and when your soon to be ex won’t budge from the room downstairs and seems to have no plan on leaving any time soon, it gets a bit fraught. You see I’m curious to know how me & the RugRats are going to forge our way into a new routine & family life. I like to plan ahead, but right now I can’t and it panicks me.
I made a really big mistake & went to the cinema tonight….I watched Miss You Already. Big mistake, HUGE mistake. I’m still crying now. I’m now panicking as to what I would do if I ever got terminally ill, what would happen with the RugRats, how would they cope?? You see this bit didn’t really hit me till watching that….realising that you forget your own mortality and how even going through the big D changes things you tentatively thought about as a couple, if ever anything bad happened. I’m going to have to rethink all that shit. That stuff gives me the shivers, but I know I’m going to have to face up & sort it out, in case, God forbid, anything did happen. I love my RugRats so so much. I’m so glad we were lucky enough to have them, I’m glad that they are here & I don’t regret a moment for the fact they are here, loving me, loving them.
Yesterday was a special day though. Yesterday I had happy tears. Part of my rock solid crew became the 2.4 family yesterday. I managed to sneek a little cuddle too. There is something completely magical about babies, they are so tiny and this blank canvas, ready to take on the world with all its life lessons. You just want them to be happy & snuggle them forever don’t you?
This baby was a little gift for my gorgeous friend. Seeing her as I walked in, so content with her newborn daughter all wrapped up & snuggled into her chest was the most beautiful sight. To see them with their new addition to their beautiful family was the best thing ever.
There’s my friend, sat there, completely knackered from the longest labour in the world (I’m not shitting you either) and she still wants to know how I’m doing. The most selfless person I know and the most caring, whitty, sharp, intelligent girl I think I have ever met.
She doesn’t like a fuss, so I won’t embarrass her, but I just hope she knows how thankful I am for all that she does & I hope she enjoys her time finding her feet with her new addition and soaking up all those precious new experiences as a family of 4.