Happiness is…

It’s Good Friday and we have been forecast snow for this weekend.

I have been woken by an excited RugRat expecting the Easter Bunny to have arrived but mummy bunny has been working until late most nights and forgot to put the eggs out before they go off to their dads tonight.

I have a long weekend without them and it seems like it will be a long one if we have snow. I love getting out with the fluffy beast and I am desperate to get back into my running. I need the boost and the headspace it gives me. I quite like running on my own, I actually have grown to like my own company and worry I am becoming a bit of a recluse!

I have hinted in the past that I’ve had some upset with family relationships on top of a divorce. I have spent a long time blaming myself and tearing myself apart wondering what I could have done differently. Point is, I have come to realise that whilst I have ownership of my response and behaviour, it’s a two way street. That’s taken some time and some pretty intense therapy to feel comfortable with that.

I have learnt a lot about myself more in the last few months than I had allowed myself in the last 4 years. It wasn’t until I actually looked back and realised I had been through a lot of upset & experiences that I had just buried & those experiences were raising their ugly heads all at once. I knew I had to face them head on. Now I feel calm and I feel I can actually trust my instinct and not question it as I have been doing for a while. Most importantly, I have learnt to stop pleasing everyone else, drown out the noise and do things for myself without the conflicting counsel from others.

I’m not saying we don’t need to talk with our closest, but everyone has differing opinions & essentially you have to deal with things in your own way, at you own pace and ensure that you really are doing things that you feel comfortable with, not what you think others want you to do, that is not the key to happiness…..actually it will only result in anxiety & constant questioning of yourself. A good support network lets you be you and is there to comfort you when the chips are down without the “told you so” speeches.

So I am going to spend this weekend catching up with friends, trying to dodge snow and get my house in order ready for juggling Easter holidays with work & RugRats. I will think of loved ones, miss the ones I can’t be with, but essentially, be grateful for the little things as actually, I may feel I’m winging it most days, but I’m no different to everyone else. I am just going to enjoy the experiences and hope those that have left my life for whatever reason, are happy & healthy too.

Happy Easter ❤️

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